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women AHHHHH
Well....
I have been married a long time (25 years) but I didn't get married until I was 29 and had numerous relationships, some more serious than others, before I decided to get married.
Here are my thoughts:
Marriage is something you have to work at EVERY day. Not just on the weekend or when you have the energy/time. As someone mentioned, a bunch of flowers or a phone call during the day just to see how your spouse is doing goes a long way. There has to be a great amount of give and take on each side. You must spend quality time with them and try to be inclusive in your activities rather than constantly being alone working on some project, computer, etc.
Age is not wholely indicative of maturity. I've known 19 year olds that I would trust my with life and 50 year olds I wouldn't trust with my goldfish. Everyone's life experience's are different and some of us had to grow up quicker than others. While it may make us wiser in the ways of the world, it doesn't necessarily make us more mature regarding relationships.
Money may not buy happiness but it can make it a lot easier to be happy. It can't be your money or my money but it has to be OUR money. Everyone has to have some money that is truly theirs to do with as they want. BUT, that money should be determined and distributed after the bills and savings are taken care of and any large dicretionary items are discussed and approved or rejected. It is crucial to save something each paycheck, even if it's a nominal amount. It grows to a tidy sum that can be a buffer if an emergency should arise.
You've got to talk. The toughest thing in the world to do is to sit down with someone who has the capability of making you happier or more miserable than any other person in the world and calmly, rationally discuss problems in your relationship. Not all couples are capable of this and it is imperative they seek counseling. If your spouse refuses to go, go by yourself. At the least you'll get some insight into why you feel the way you do.
Try your damnedest to make things work, but if they don't, be prepared to decide if you are going to be happier (or less miserable) with her or without her. Children are important but "staying together for the kids" is the absolute worst reason to stay married. Not only are the parents miserable but the kids will be affected for years.
Although it's very hard to do, it's much better to part as friends. It may not seem like it but life does go on and things WILL get better.
oneace, I hope everything works out for you.
Paul
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women AHHHHH
I've been gone a few days and, to my dismay, this thread has taken a decidedly negative turn.
Dean,
As you so candidly point out, you are about 40 years older than Tony and appear to have a gee-whiz, dandy life. I guess I have to wonder if many years ago, at least once or twice, didn't you ever feel completely overwhelmed by circumstances? If not, you are indeed blessed.
I think that Tony has taken the first step to resolving his problems by admitting his has them and trying to do something about it. I concur with those that advise to try ALL other alternatives before resorting to prescription drugs but the fact remains that for some people they are the last resort and the only option. I'm not sure what you were referring to about sales being very stressful. While very true, I believe Tony is a technician at a tractor dealership. I believe that for someone his age, he's doing very well financially and has a job that he seems to really like. I imagine that many people would be happy if they could say the same.
While "tough love" may have worked for your daughters and the many employees you applied it to, I'm not sure that it works for everyone. To demean and disparage someone and what they hold dear will undoubtedly cause a reaction. I'm just not sure it will be the one I hope you meant to elicit.
I do disagree with one thing Tony says. If he made $45,000 last year, he certainly can afford counseling. His church or the city/county medical society where he lives should be able to refer him to a competent counselor.
I hope Tony can sort all this out and I wish you both well.
Paul
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